Dear Parents,
Hope you made it home safely from Parents Weekend. It was nice to have you visit Elon. We loved the meals and groceries. We were also thrilled you bought us all that stuff at the outlet mall.
We apologize for all the rain. The campus is usually beautiful. Elon works really hard to keep our indirect pathways clean and lawns nicely manicured. We were hoping for a sunny day, because we wanted to show you that your money is being put to good use.
We know Parents Weekend can be tiresome with the many events Elon plans, but we're glad you enjoyed meeting our professors. Although I'm not sure my religion professor was comfortable with all your questions. Why did you have to ask if he's teaching us not to believe in God? Whatever. I'm sure he's heard worse, anyway.
How did you like the football game? I know Dad found it confusing that so few students were present, but that's just how Elon does sports. Those "This Week at Elon" emails the school sends out make it seem like athletics are a big part of our college experience. In reality, we leave football games after the tailgates. We're sorry we forbade you from wearing the "Proud Elon Parent" sticker. But everyone already knows that the middle-aged people roaming campus last weekend were parents of Elon students. We appreciate that you shell out loads of money every year for us to go here, but those stickers are just awkward.
We know our apartment wasn't what you were expecting, even though the days prior to your arrival were spent scrubbing unidentifiable sticky substances off the floor, washing month old sheets and confiscating unmentionables. It's just that it's impossible to keep our room clean when there's so much studying to do. Please disregard the random student who popped in yelling about six packs and hotboxing cars. His parents couldn't make it last weekend.
We're sorry you're disappointed about that tattoo we failed to hide from you. But you were young once too, right? Mom, I know you're concerned that some of our college friends may be negative influences. Maybe you're right. We will only give you limited access to our Facebook profile so you won't have to see photos of us with our friends you don't like. It's clear you think most of our photos are inappropriate, anyway.
After you left on Sunday we spent the entire day doing the homework we put off to hang out with you this weekend. But we eventually finished all of it. Dad's reminders of the academic purpose of college are always helpful. We often forget exactly why we're here.
It's great to hear you still believe in us and know we'll find success in all our endeavors because we are special. We sometimes worry that we haven't met your expectations, so it's wonderful to hear you still feel that way after all this time. We really do appreciate everything you do for us.
Can't wait for the next Parents Weekend!
Sincerely, An Elon Student